My Child Won’t Eat!

Almost every parent has had the experience of their child refusing food.  It can be frustrating but with careful parental input, and a degree of patience, most children will be happy to be quite adventurous with food.

Food refusal often starts because it is one of the few ways in which children can exert influence over their parents.  Quite simply it is a control tactic.  Food choices are also governed by what the child has been exposed to over from weaning.  Subsequently food choices often simply become a matter of habit.  Habits can be changed but it is always easier to start earlier before they are established. 

Important insights

Children should be offered what the parents are eating from a young age, just without salt and excess sugar.  This creates a culture of inclusiveness rather than meals for children being somehow different. 

• Not all food refusal is faddiness and some kids just don’t like certain foods.  It is important to respect this. 

• Never say that a child has to finish all the food on the plate.  This is the best way to lose touch with natural appetite. 

• When a child says “I don’t like that” what is important in that statement is the ‘I’.  It is a statement of self and the child is asserting him or herself”. 

• Don’t cajol or persuade, just say ‘Fine’ and take it away, “don’t get anxious and five the situation an emotional weighting”. 

• Respect works both ways.  You have taken the trouble to make the meal and so it is important to taste the food: the child needs to understand the input of the parent. 

• The parent has the right to say ‘The kitchen is closed’.  Hunger will take over at the next meal. 

• The problem of faddiness is linked to an oversupply of food and choice, during the war years there was so little that food refusal just didn’t happen. 

• It is also important to never offer a food bribe: the offer of cake for broccoli denigrates the broccoli and upgrades the cake.

Why won’t my child join in?
“Graham (age six) is so unadventurous” says his mum Violet “and refuses point blank to try new flavours or foods.  It’s so bad that, for instance, he refuses cheese and onion crisps and will only eat roast chicken flavour!”.   The whole of the rest of the family, Gemma who is three, older brother Gary, ten, mum and dad all enjoy a wide variety of tastes, happily eating Indian, Italian and Chinese.  “I can cope with it but find his lack of imagination frustrating and am longing for the day when he will join in”.

Suzannah suggests:
This is a very common problem and many parents find themselves fixing several different meals to accommodate the tastes of various family members.  Obviously it is important to recognise that children, just like adults, have different taste preferences.  But children also use this ruse as a way of getting attention.  Being a middle child it is always possible that this is the case with Graham, but while it might have started this way it has probably now become a habit.  As long as he is eating from all the food groups (protein, starches, fruits/vegetables and calcium rich foods) there are no health concerns.  Chances are that he will grow out of it as he has the excellent example of the rest of the family to follow.  Avoid making negative comments about his food choices, but also start a positive encouragement programme as soon as possible (for ideas see the Abeighleigh’s story).  Offer lots of praise, modest rewards (not food based), and make food fun.

Is my child getting enough variety?
Robina is very worried that five-year old, Johanna, is going to end up deficient as a result of her food fads.  “One week she’ll only eat bananas, the next week it’s yoghurts, and last week it was peanut butter sandwiches for four days.  At the moment she seems to be OK but I’m sure this can’t be doing her any good in the long-run”.

Suzannah suggests:
The important thing to watch is Johanna’s growth and energy levels.  As long as she is putting on height and weight and is not listless, pale and disinterested, then she is probably fine.  The foods she is choosing are actually quite healthy – bananas have lots of nutrients as do yoghurts and peanut butter.  One way or another she is actually working her way round all the food groups, albeit on a rotation basis.  It is also important that she gets sufficient calories and her growth rate will suggest if this is the case or not.  Robina can certainly give Johanna a child-formulated vitamin and mineral supplement, and I would also suggest a child-formulate fish oil supplement to help tide her over this phase.  See if you can expand on a theme – if it is a bananas week see if she will accept banana milkshakes, banana sandwiches or banana with custard.  If Johanna starts to get anxious about the amount of food she is eating or is getting wrapped up in how healthy the food is, then this should trigger alarm bells as early symptoms of a possible eating disorder and professional help should be sought.

He just won’t sit down!
Mary-Ann is fed up with four-year old Tim’s insistence on running round the table at meals and refusing to sit down.  “He eats on the hoof unless I let him eat in from of the telly.  We try to sit down as a family fairly regularly but I seem to spend all my time coaxing him to sit down, getting cross and I usually end up shouting – it spoils our meals”.

Suzannah suggests:
Again, this is a combination of attention seeking and bad habits becoming entrenched.  It is also about who is in control.  Basically children want to be included rather than excluded.  I suggest being firm about food only being served at the table for the whole family.  A video can be employed to record any real favourites and the remote control hidden in the meantime.  If Tim refuses to sit down then that is fine, just give him a cracker (one only) and tell him that he gets to eat when he sits down with everyone else.  Chat amongst yourselves, absolutely do not nag, goad or shout at him, and refuse to rise to the bait if he runs around.  By the next meal, or the one after, he will be A) hungry and B) feel left out.  I guarantee this will work.

I can’t wean my child off junk food
“Kevin (age six) will only eat hamburgers, nuggets, chips, cake and crisps.  If I give him anything else, he just refuses and fills up only on the junk.  He’ll only eat the crisps and chocolates from his lunchbox and ignores everything else” says mother Annie. 

Suzannah suggests:
These foods are fairly addictive, and many children when offered crisps or an apple will choose the crisps.  These foods are also high-calorie and so Kevin can get away with eating the crisps and chocs and not feel too hungry when ignoring sandwiches and fruit.  The bottom line is that he only gets to eat them if they are there and Annie is the one who is in charge of the shopping.  I suggest clearing out the cupboards of foods that are less than desirable and stocking up on better choices such as bread, pasta, lean meats, baked beans, peas, and potatoes.  If it isn’t there it can’t be eaten!  Hunger will soon take over.  Pay attention to preparing foods in a delicious and imaginative way.  There may be a few tantrums but if there is no choice then that is just the way it is.  Explain calmly shat you are doing and why, and keep re-explaining as necessary and remain firm. 

When to worry
For the most part faddy eating is a phase and will not endanger a child.  However parents should be aware of some important issues.

• Faddy eating can sometimes lead to children cutting out large food groups from their diet. If few dairy products are eaten, for example, it is important to ensure other foods sources of calcium are available.

• If a child fails to put on weight medical advice should be sought, as lack of nutrient can stunt growth and development.  Eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, are becoming increasingly common in young children, including pre-teens as young as eight.

• Signs to watch out for in children include questions about the healthiness of food, excessive interest in exercise, refusal to eat chocolates, sweets or snacks and complaints of abdominal pain.

• If you are concerned about your child's diet in any way, always seek advice.  Your doctor should be happy to refer you to a paediatric dieticia

CASE STUDY
Carolyn’s daughter Abbeyleigh, age six, now laps up her fruit and vegetables.  But only a year ago she wouldn’t touch anything other than the occasional apple.  Her mum and dad had always eaten different fruits and vegetables and they were on offer at all meals – but Abbeyleigh steadfastly refused to join in.  But then the Food Dudes came to town! 

The Food Dudes is a programme run by a team at Bangor University which goes into schools to encourage children to become familiar with, and more importantly to eat, fruits and vegetables.  “I cannot recommend them highly enough and I would really encourage all schools to do the programme” Carolyn enthuses.  Carolyn volunteers as a midday supervisor at the school, San Sior in Llandudnow, and so observed the programme at first hand.

The idea is simple enough – the children are introduced to a wide variety of produce including the familiar such as broccoli, green beans, mango, prunes and watermelon and the less familiar, for example yam and dragonfruit.  To encourage the children to experiment they are offered prizes, incentives and awards.  The Food Dudes are ‘cool’ cartoon characters (we know how effective this is as so many children’s products, most of them unhealthy, are pushed in this way). They can collect sets such as pencil sharpner, rubber, pencil, pencil case and magnifying glasses, get stickers and receive certificates.  The programme also encouraged fresh produce in packed lunches and slowly the fruit began to replace crisps (yes, that’s right – instead of, not as well as!).  At first Abbeyleigh was resistant but as soon as she saw her friends getting goodies she was hooked.  A year later, she now eats everything: pears, strawberries, sweetcorn, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots – though she is still not keen on peas.  What is also really interesting is that Abbeyleigh has always been asthmatic but now she has many fewer attacks as well as very few colds and infections – both are known to be influenced by fruit and vegetable intake.  To find out more about The Food Dudes go to www.fooddudes.co.uk .

Dr Janette Woolner, a psychologist on the Food Dudes team, offers the following tips for encouraging your child to be more adventurous:

• I’d advise parents to keep going with the food presentations, give very tiny amounts at first.

• Always provide a positive context – lots of praise.

• Don’t be too ambitious at first.

• Try to offer a variety of foods. Perhaps have regular family ‘tasting’ sessions where everyone tries a new food.

• Be a family who like to try things – not just food.

• Offer children a choice of how foods are prepared – give them a say in what is presented.

• If possible get them involved in shopping and cooking.

• Don’t use foods as rewards for eating other foods.