We are all aware that one person’s stress is another’s excitement. To me, the idea of jumping out of an aeroplane in free fall, relying upon one little string pulled at the right moment, and one back up parachute (which may or may not work), is a total nightmare. I find it hard to think of many things that would induce greater stress for me. And yet I have just received a photograph of a friend happily doing a charity jump - having the time of his life. So what is stress exactly?

The truth is that to be alive is to be under a certain amount of stress - it is an occupational hazard of living. Hans Selyé recognised this, in the 1930s, when he coined the phrase ‘eustress’ meaning benign, or even beneficial, stress.

For instance we wake up in the morning because of slowly rising levels of adrenal hormones responding to light. Our internal clock is even clever enough to dictate that these hormones rise in the hour before we are due to wake up, even if it is dark outside. We also use adrenaline to motivate us, stretch us and keep ourselves focused - we set ourselves targets that need to be met, whether it is picking the kids up from school or delivering a thesis. The actor’s elevated adrenaline levels gets him onto stage and ensure his best performance - and, when tested, actors record the same level of adrenaline when months into a play’s run as on the first night. An athlete would be nowhere without the adrenaline that spurs her on to competing and focusing on winning, How often have you heard young go-ahead types - high flyers - say that they thrive on adrenaline and that they actually enjoy the cut and thrust of their job. Are all these people’s bodies under undue stress? Probably not.

The real problem is one of DIS-STRESS.

Distress usually implies conflict - when we are subject to one force that is the opposite to what we desire. Conflicts that can cause stress are many, and I am sure that you can think of endless examples in your life. For instance:

- You have to give a presentation as a part of your job, but you hate public speaking.

- You feel that you need a bit of a break - to be looked after for a while - but have to look after your children.

- You want to try for a new job, but fear that it may not work out and you’ll be worse off than you are now.

- You’ve said yes, you would do something for a demanding friend or relative, but wish you had the ability to say no more often.

- You need to complete a project but do not have enough time.

All these events are conflicts that require tools for resolving them, before they wear you down!

The other major area of distress is a feeling of lack of control. For example it is assumed, by many, that senior executives top the charts on stress scores. Yet the people who score much higher on the stress indices are blue-collar workers. It has been determined that this is because they do not feel that they are in control of their destinies - wages, working hours, type of work, who they work for and, ultimately, the ability to retain their jobs. It has been found that fighter-pilots returning from war zones had considerably less stress problems than their crew, who had no control over what was happening.

These days stress does not respect cultural, social or financial divides - everyone has some stress in their lives to contend with. But some people cope better with these external stresses than others and have more stress-busting skills to pick themselves up and get on with their lives.

LEARN What really happens when we ‘lose’ or ‘fail’ is that we simply do not get the result we desire. The desired outcome is to ‘win’ or to ‘pass’. The critical change of mind-set which can make a difference is to view each time that you do not get the outcome you desire as a lesson in how to perfect your technique. It is all about flexibility. The same action always gives rise to the same outcome. If you change the action then you will change the outcome, and this is what we call learning.

WIN / WIN So if you view the undesired outcomes as a series of clues which will enlighten you about how to improve your technique, you can create a new outcome. This means that you always win. Either you win outright, or you enhance your knowledge in such a way that you have a better chance of winning next time.

• Get into the habit of looking to see how many paths you have open to you (this may take some practice). A rigid approach says ‘This is what I have to do’, ‘This is the only option’ or ‘This is just the way it is’. A flexible approach will say ‘These are the options I have’ or ‘I will seek options’.

• Send out clear signals that can’t be confused. Do not confuse assertiveness with selfishness or lack of regard for others.

• Clarify your understanding of the issues before deciding to agree or not.
• Get into the habit of saying ‘I’ll think about it and get back to you by 2pm’ rather than agreeing and then backtracking later.
• Stand for what you believe in (while respecting the opinions of others).
• Look for alternative solutions.
• You have the right to say ‘no’.
• Say ‘no’ with conviction.
• Give reasons and not excuses.

• A crank is a man with a new idea - until it catches on. Mark Twain Don’t worry if the world thinks you are a crank!

The next time someone says to you "It’s all in your mind", instead of being tempted to take a swing at them, stop for a minute - in one sense they are probably right. Our reactions to stress are governed not only by the stress hormones, but also by the chemicals firing in our brains. The ease, or difficulty, with which our brains fire off these chemicals, is one of the key differences in how we perceive stress, how we respond to it, and what our reactions are.

You may be astounded to know that the food we eat can make a radical difference to the way that these brain chemicals work. For instance, some people have a tendency to have an increased response to brain chemicals called beta-endorphins. In extreme cases the genetic trait can be responsible for families having a history of alcoholism or addictions. Illicit opiate drugs, such as morphine and heroin, raise beta-endorphin levels in the brain and this is highly addictive.

Sugar does the same thing and acts to increase beta-endorphin levels. If drugs are used to block beta-endorphin receptor sites, sugar consumption drops. Alcohol, which is a concentrated source of sugar, also affects beta-endorphin levels.

Serotonin is a brain chemical which can best be described as our ‘satisfaction’ chemical. When we have higher levels we feel good. If levels drop we feel lousy. One of the ways of raising serotonin levels in the brain is to eat tryptophan rich foods. Tryptophan is an amino-acid (protein building block) which, amongst other functions, is converted into serotonin. Tryptophan-rich foods include meat, fish, eggs, cheese, milk, yoghurt, nuts, and legumes such as: peas, beans and lentils. Particularly rich sources are turkey, cottage cheese, pheasant and partridge. Eating whole carbohydrates (such as wholemeal bread, brown rice, brown spaghetti, jacket potatoes and porridge oats) alongside tryptophan-rich foods helps to force the tryptophan to go down the route of turning into serotonin. Foods which do not contain tryptophan are fats and oils, sugar and alcohol.

The best meals to sustain energy, promote brain function and to support adrenal performance, are those which contain complex carbohydrates (C) in a balance with proteins (P). It is also wise to bulk out meals with vegetables, salads and fruits as often as possible - also designated (C). Some good choices could include:

• Lean grilled bacon (P) with mushrooms, onions and tomatoes (C).

• Thick lentil (P) and vegetable (C) soup.

• Beans (P) on rye toast (C).

• Tempeh or chicken burger (P) with shredded Chinese cabbage (C).

• Sardines (P) on wholemeal toast (C).

• Refried beans (P) with tacos (C) with guacamole and salsa

• Chicken (P) and coriander curry with brown rice (C).

• Oatcakes (C) with nut butter (P) and strawberry slices (C).

• Sprouted wheat toast (C) with tahini (P) and tomato (C).

• Fruit (C) and nut (P) mix.

• Rice cakes (C) topped with cottage cheese (P) and sliced apple (C).

For more ideas on how to beat stress (before it beats you) read

500 Of The Most Important Stress Busting Tips You’ll Ever Need Click here or

The Stress Protection Plan. Click here